Shakma (

1990

)

In theory, you could make a pretty damn horrifying movie about a monkey attacking a bunch of nerds in a research lab. Obviously the bigger the ape the more intimidating it would be, but you don't necessarily need a gorilla to pose a threat to a bunch of unsuspecting humans, chimpanzees, for instance, are vastly stronger than humans and could certainly inflict some horrific damage if they wanted to and had the opportunity. However, there really is a lower limit to how small a monkey can be before I'm no longer willing to believe it's a credible threat, and Shakma is perched right on that precipice. The baboon is about two and a half feet tall and probably weighs no more than 50 pounds. I'd be willing to believe if it caught someone unaware it would be able to rip out their throat but I have trouble accepting that a creature about the size of a golden retriever could so effectively terrorize a group of humans. It's even harder to swallow once you realize that for most of the movie the humans in question are aware of the monkey and its location in the building. The monkey playing Shakma doesn't help matters much, as it's bushy gray coat makes it resemble an elderly woman in a frumpy fur coat, rather than a dangerous wild animal. Even more damaging to the illusion of terror is the creature's bright red ass. I've got a bit of a phobia of monkeys, to tell the truth, I'm scared shitless of those little demi-humans, and even I had trouble taking this thing as much of a threat. Still though, I have to hand it to the production company for using a real trained animal whenever possible, it really Shakma stands out from the legions of animals attack movies that rely on nothing more than a fake-looking puppet and some stock footage for their monsters.

The only places where it makes sense to set a “when apes attack” movie are jungles and research laboratories. Jungles aren't exactly in the budget range for indie horror movies with tiny budgets as filming in remote wilderness present all manner of logistical issues. Not to mention that most of the film's budget would be eaten up by transportation expenses and lodging for cast and crew. Laboratories are more accessible and finding a college that will let you film in their science building is no great task. The problem with laboratories though is that you have to explain why your characters don't immediately phone up animal control once it becomes obvious that a killer ape is on the loose. At the very least you have to explain why the people don't just leave the laboratory and lock the door behind them. I really have to hand it to Shakma for not only finding a solution to this conundrum but also such a novel one. Having all the expendable meat be playing an especially intense LARP game sure wouldn't have been the first idea I would come up with!

The game is so intense in fact that they rig the entire building's security system to be controlled from the game master's office so they cannot freely open doors without him unlocking them for them and checking off their total number of keys. I'm guessing that this group has had a problem with cheaters in the past, though I suppose this is a reasonable measure, as the Dungeon Master has taken the unorthodox measure of offering a cash reward for the player who wins the game (never mind that most old school RPGs are not really the win/lose kind of games). The players are Sam, Tracey, Bradley, and Gary. They all students of the eccentric Professor Sorenson who is acting as the Dungeon master. They are joined, last-minute by Richard, another student who has no interest in RPGs but does want a bit more time after hours to brown-nose the professor. Since he joined up at the last minute he doesn't get to have a proper player character role and instead acts as the game's wandering monster: Nemesis. The goal of the game is to reach the top of the tower and rescue the captive princess, who also has someone playing her (Richard sister Kim). I'm not altogether sure why they bothered with this step, as all Kim will be doing for the whole game is hanging out at the top floor of the lab reading magazines and waiting for the players to reach her. Sounds kind of dull to me. I can't understand why she bothers with these dweebs at all, at least until the movie reveals that she has a crush on Sam and is waiting for an opportunity to get him alone so she can confess her love to him in a sexy princess outfit (which is, incidentally the film's only sliver of cheesecake).

The only issue is that earlier that day, the laboratory's prized test subject, a baboon named Shakma, got out of hand and had to be tranquilized and put down. Sam, unfortunately, had developed an attachment to the dumb brute and decides to just knock the baboon out for a couple of hours rather than kill it outright. I'm not sure what his long term plan was here, as when the creature wakes up, Sorenson is just going to put it down again. Is he hoping that the professor has a change of heart and becomes a vegan after the weekend? Unfortunately for all involved, the sedative Sam administered wears off just as the game is getting underway and Shakma goes absolutely ballistic as soon as he wakes up. The first victim is Richard, who has been goofing off in his role as the game's Nemesis. This is only fitting as Shakma is much more suited to that role anyway. Poor Richard though doesn't get off easy being both mauled and scalded with the acid he intended to kill Shakma with. From there, the monkey then proceeds to absolutely wreak any person that has the misfortune to stumble upon the floor it occupies in the building.

The logistics of filming with a real baboon instead of the more traditional dude in a monkey suit quickly start to hamper the film's action. You can't have actors grappling with a real-life baboon, sure Shakma is not exactly a bruiser, but he's still more than capable of seriously injuring his costars if he was ever placed in a real physical altercation with any of them. For quick flashes the film can rely on puppets and montage editing, to create the illusion of proximity, but for anything more involved the filmmakers need to keep the actors and the baboon on opposite sides of a door, lest they risk injuring their cast. In some cases this works, like the scene where Tracey is trapped in a small storage closet while Shakma prowls about outside. For the most part though we're given nearly endless scenes where Shakma pounds on doors while his human prey cowers inside. Once or twice would be fine, but this feels like it encompasses about half the film after Shakma starts his rampage, only stopping when new expendable characters bumble into the killer baboon's path. One scene of desperately holding off the baboon as he batters down a door is cool, after fifteen though it starts to get really fucking boring.

The premise, while indeed ingenious in terms of originality, really does make the film feel more than a little bit contrived. I don't doubt that a bunch of super nerds wouldn't come up with a more interactive way to play Dungeons and Dragons (though to my mind this defeats the whole purpose and charm of tabletop RPGs, that of a collective exercise in imagination and storytelling), it does seem very unfortunate that the first night they attempt it a killer baboon gets loose in the building. Indeed, it's a bit disheartening to think that all the characters would be alive if they just rescheduled for Saturday.